Words
by LadyKakuHida
Summary: One definition, hundreds of possibilities
1. Chapter 1

**Yeah, I know quite a few words have at least two definitions but it just didn't have the same ring to it XD Why do I keep making angsty ZetTobi? They're supposed to be fluffy, dammit! DX I don't even know if these are AU anymore D: I know the last one isn't!  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto ^^**

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**Blotchier **

To say Hidan hated the cold was an understatement. He despised it with the force of his entire being; he wished a painful death upon whoever thought it up. It couldn't be Jashin, he wouldn't do something so cruel to his followers. 'It would be fucking hilarious' he often thought in the winter, 'if whoever did invent it froze to death'.

Kakuzu didn't seem to have any problem with the cold, the lucky bastard. Hidan blamed the mask, he had worn a scarf as one once and it had nearly suffocated him but it was warm. But he did look like a pussy; he drew the line at wearing a shirt, even then he was forced by Kakuzu. Literally, he had been pinned to the floor and had the garment stitched to his neck and arms.

He still didn't know whose shirt it actually was though. It certainly wasn't his, he didn't own any and Kakuzu wouldn't give him one willingly. Would he? Come to think of it he had seen the stitched man in something similar before. Nah this is Kakuzu, he's... well, he's Kakuzu. He was cold as well, but it was tolerable. Sort of. It wasn't weather cold and that was good enough for him.

It wasn't the feeling of being cold itself that Hidan hated; he actually quite liked that. It was what it did to his skin. His usually 'flawless, perfect, creamy, milky, but not sparkly because that's fucking gay' skin became red and blotchy. It ruined his sexiness and that just wouldn't do, no sir, his sexiness should be preserved all year round!

Not just in the summer; everyone went around half naked in the summer that was nothing special. But in the icy grip of a cold, harsh winter Hidan wanted to be the one strutting round, glowing with his perfect skin on full display! Turning the heads of males and females everywhere with his bare chest, oozing sex appeal!

He had told Kakuzu this once. The older man hadn't known whether to laugh, ignore him or punch him in the face and leave him to bask in his never ending stupidity.

He had gone with the obvious.

**Yummy **

"You look positively delicious,"

"Yeah, un. Because that doesn't sound creepy at all, does it Zetsu?"

"**Well it's true. Don't be jealous because you have the appeal of a dead cat. **Oh be nice. **You were thinking it. **So? You're still a douche. **I am you, you fucking idiot.** … **…Wait.** Yeah, exactly,"

"Boys, calm down. Pein'll be here soon. But thank you Zetsu," Nobody could miss the bright red that poisoned his cheeks with its presence. Thankfully none of those present were immature enough to say anything.

"Ooooh, that's fuckin' adorable," Oh. My mistake. Hidan had decided to grace them with his existence, "Plant boy's in love! Actually no, that's not adorable, that's disturbing. Can you imagine the kids? Never mind the kids, can you imagine the sex! How would that even be possible with- SWEET JASHIN, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Fortunately for all of them Kakuzu was also there, to stop the mental images that would surely require some form of therapy. Poor Zetsu was a strange mixture of pale white and bright red, with both anger and embarrassment. But mainly embarrassment. Konan was taking the whole thing quite well, all things considered.

"Just because Kakuzu's a cock tease doesn't mean you have to take it out on Zetsu," Hidan was too enraged to form words. He spluttered indignantly from his position sprawled out on the ground where a laughing Kakuzu kept him pinned with his foot.

"Thanks Konan," He muttered, smiling at her shyly before turning to the silver haired Jashinist with a scowl, "**Hidan don't be such a whiny little bitch**,"

**Fantasising**

Tobi daydreamed. He never fantasised. Fantasising would only lead to heartbreak upon re-entering reality, where he would see his best friend and crush be rejected by a girl he couldn't even hate for it. Because he couldn't hate Konan, she was like a sister to him and she was never harsh about her refusals. She even apologised the first (and last) time. After that the bi-coloured boy had kept to himself about it, mostly. He'd get down about it occasionally but Tobi was always there to pick him back up. Even if it killed him inside.

**Abelmoschus**

"Zetsu, what's that?" Tobi poked the plant, "Is it some kind of deformed cactus?" the older boy chuckled and set it down, brushing the dirt off himself.

"It's for biology. **You probably weren't smart enough to take it**. Oh be nice.** Make m**-" They were cut off by Tobis' startled yell

"What's wrong?"

"It's almost the same colour as Deidara senpais' hair!" Nobody would be able to resist laughing at the look of pure joy on his face. Not even Itachi. Well maybe Itachi. Itachi, Sasori, Kakuzu and Pein but that's it!

"**Do you want a few to give to him?** No, he'll probably just burn them," The botanist in trainings' face was split between an evil smirk and a slightly panicking grimace

"No, senpai wouldn't burn something Tobi gives him! Not this time!" Zetsu sighed, seeing that the younger boy was not going to give up on being the blonde pyromaniacs best friend. And besides, he kind of liked comforting the orange Uchiha, sadistic as that sounds.

**Chickabiddy**

Hidan was like a child, Kakuzu had decided. He was whiny, bratty, immature and he had been known to throw tantrums but he could also be sweet, endearing and lovable, well deserving of the title chickabiddy. It was this, Kakuzu told himself, as he proudly watched the man he loved slice someones head off and stick it on a pike only to run around shoving the dismembered head into the faces of what seemed to be the victims family.

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**Weird how they seem to get shorter, ne? And in case you didn't knoooow:**

**Abelmoschus - Species of tropical coarse herbs having large lobed leaves and often yellow flowers **

**Chickabiddy - A term of endearment, usually for a child. I think it's actually meant to be chickadee, but that could just be a shorter version.**

**The rest you should be able to figure out :P**

**I almost ended up saying Zetty was a herbologist ._. Dayum you Harry Potter! Ah shake mah fist at'cha! Oh, and, er, is senpai supposed to be capitalised? I really wasn't sure ._.ll**

**Innocent Hidan D:**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't even write proper stories anymore D: Bad habit is bad! Bad habit will be broken! Bad habit is also giving me bad grammar. I think... two of them are AU, the others could be either, really xD It's shorter than the other one I think but... meh, I still kinda like it xD  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto ^^**

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**Random**

Hidans moods were unpredictable, to say the least. He could be happy as anything, practically skipping everywhere. Only not, because this is Hidan we're talking about. Hidan does not skip, he prances. Anyway, he could be happy as anything then one wrong word and he'd be sulking in the corner, pouting like a child. At least Kakuzu was consistent. He'd go from irritated, to mildly aggravated to so infuriated the sun couldn't match the intensity of his anger; and you actually ended up thinking he could kill you with just a glare. Hidan loved when he got this pissed; the tentacles came out.

**Accents**

He hated Kakuzus' accent to start with. It just made him sound like a pompous, know it all prick who sat around sipping weak tea in gardens filled with unicorns and badgers and other British animals. It wasn't until after he got to know the older boy that he fell in love with it; now it made him sound sophisticated, intelligent and the swearing... oh, Jashin the swearing. It was already a major turn on for the masochist but to hear the words "fuck off you little bastard," in that glorious, glorious accent was just pure ecstasy.

**Gamer**

The Akatsuki were all professional game ragers; Tobi had even reached the level where he could rage at Nintendogs. It was like he was a completely different person.

**Epidermis**

More than everything else, besides Jashin and possibly Kakuzu, Hidan loved his hair. The love he held for his hair was borderline sexual. He would never jizz in his hair though; not only would it mess it up, the masochist doubted whether that was actually possible. Unless he could somehow convince Kakuzu to give him a handjob while he was doing a handstand?

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No. That's fucking stupid. He wouldn't even do that IF you paid him. Also that probably wouldn't work, your blood wouldn't know where to go, you could end up exploding or something,

"And I doubt he'd put me back together again this time,"

**Pshaw**

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any gayer you come out with that shit," Hidan, as per usual, was insulting Deidara. Really the bomber should be happy he isn't being called a girl this time, but being called gay? It was just fucking hypocritical. Not to mention unfounded; I mean sure he looked a tiny, absolutely minuscule, teeny amount like a girl, and he called Sasori his Danna, and he occasionally liked to wear women's clothing, and he used words like fierce and pshaw doesn't make him gay!

Being pounded in the ass by a piece of wood on a regular basis made him gay!

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**Yeah, Gawd Hidan, get it right ¬¬ **

**Hey... Hey... Didja see whut I did thar :D On gamer? Didja? Ohohohoho BD /shot**

**Actually, what would happen if someone was given a handjob in a handstand?**


End file.
